Chapter 13 Feedback Day – MOKO Press presents: LeyLines, a Fantasy Adventure Comic by Robin Childs Skip to content

Chapter 13 Feedback Day

Chapter 13 Feedback Day published on 4 Comments on Chapter 13 Feedback Day

As always, I find reader input exceptionally valuable.  If you have any thoughts on this chapter, I would love to hear them!

If you’d like to re-read the chapter from the start, it begins here.



Children visit this site. Moderate your language accordingly.

I would say you accomplished your goals with ease. Everything felt like it flowed, and little felt forced for the characters’ personalities so far. I found it interesting how Kali was both right and wrong. Zhiro did end up with a more sour perspective of Dream Eater, and Kali was especially proven wrong about Mysteries “not knowing how to give.” He gave her the knowledge to send rain, with nothing in return. (I also suspect Dream Eater may have learned to be just a little nicer to his mortal allies. I hope. It seems like the kind of lesson he could possibly get from this.) I picked up on a good deal of backstory. Like the sun god being eaten explains why Kali’s tribe had members desperate for any sort of sign, unable to communicate with him. Of course he’s not going to answer in his present condition.
But…you may want to take my words with a grain of salt… I’ve always tested very high on reading comprehension tests back during my school days. I may have found your story clearer than others did.

PS- have I ever said that Dream Eater reminds me of Ganondorf? It’s the dark skin and red hair/beard.

Thank you for the feedback! I’m glad things were tied together well and you enjoyed that no character was completely right or wrong. Generally those are the kinds of dynamics I try to play with, with some exceptions. I dare say even Dream Eater learned something from this interaction, which is probably quite a novel feeling for a person who is said to know everything. As Waiziki would be quick to point out, were she here, just because you know many things does not make you wise.

And I hadn’t thought about the design similarities, but there are definitely some commonalities there. Huh. I wonder if my subconscious was trying to tell me something?

Honestly, I think this chapter was really successful. It fleshed out all the characters, paid off a lot of foreshadowing, and had a good, different kind of tension than the other chapters.
I wish I had something more helpful to say but I am sick. I just wanted you to know you did a good job.

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