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C11P05 – Kidding

C11P05 – Kidding published on 8 Comments on C11P05 – KiddingPurchase

This chapter went through so many re-writes before I figured out that what I really needed to do was play with dynamics. I had all these separate groups that were playing shadow dances with each other. It was needlessly complicated, confusing, and as a result, boring. When it finally dawned on me that the dynamics between characters like Pakku and Una would be incredibly fun to write, that’s when everything clicked for this chapter. Took me months to figure it out, though!!

I was writing in my angry poems notebook again today, and it occurred to me that the thing that’s kept me alive this long has been stories. The idea of not finishing a story, of leaving people wondering what happens next, really bothers me. If I’m about to go on a big trip, especially one that involves a flight, the thought of crashing keeps me up at night. Not because I’m overly concerned about being dead, but because the idea of leaving a story unfinished frightens me. There’s so much I want to tell, and I’m deeply scared of something happening to me and then being unable to. The idea of not existing is not very frightening to me. Occasionally, it sounds like it would be a relief. But not finishing a story…that bothers me. And ever since I was 15, I’ve had at least one story to tell. I’ve gone from Shades of Grey, to Frost, to LeyLines. And I have no doubt that after that, there will be something new I want to tell.

I wonder what it says about me, that I’m more afraid of leaving something unfinished, than not living at all?

8 Comments

Children visit this site. Moderate your language accordingly.

-clicks next button-

…..

-clicks again-

…. Dammit. ?.?

Isn’t one of the most consistent themes in metaphysical discussion the feeling of having left something unfinished? Insofar as speaking of ghosts, or even demons. One could extend that to any number of religious theologies – if the god created the world and everything in it, isn’t that enough? Why stick around? …. When I stop and think about it, it almost feels like at the core of any religion that holds a higher power created the world is a kernel of thought saying, “You may achieve something miraculous and wonderful, but there will always be more that must be done.” How rough is that, to believe in miracles but also to believe that one such act isn’t enough?

That’s a very loose, mildly cynical 4:30 AM observation, mind you. One I might be mulling over for the next week. (Or the end of this comment, tough to tell sometimes. 😛 )

Insofar as ghosts, I like to believe they exist. I’ve had several experiences I am convinced were my late grandmother making her presence known to me. And usually, they’re fleeting ones, where afterwards I ask myself, “What was she trying to tell me?” The answer is usually something simple – as simple as her just wishing to say hello every once in a while. Nothing particularly “unfinished” about that, but always something cheerful.

-cough-

A-anyway, Robin, you better post a whole lot more pages super quick so I can come back soon and burn through them again! OBVIOUSLY that’s your TOP priority right now. 😀

It’s something to live for, which is what matters. I strongly suspect the voice that says you don’t care about living is actually part of your depression masquerading as what you actually think. It happens a lot.

I really do appreciate you being so open and honest about your struggles, Robin. I hope it helps. *hugggg*

Ah-HA! I’ve been waiting for this dude to show up again!

And Robin, I’ve had crap days and weeks before where I seriously considered giving up the game. But the reason I don’t? ‘Cause I’ve got stories that still need writing and publishing! I can’t go until they’re all done and out there! So in my book, not wanting to leave something unfinished is a GOOD thing.

I’m glad you’re willing to share your struggles with us, Robin. It’s very brave of you. And it helps us to remember that you’re human like us, and not some Glorious Creator who sends us divinely-crafted tales from the heavens, one page at a time, just to watch the mortals squirm.

…Which, let me tell you, we NEED reminders of these stories’ mortal origins when transitions like this come up. That last panel! Robin, you’re brilliant, I’ve literally been chuckling for a minute straight.

We may never fully understand what you go through to bring these moments to us, but we’re VERY glad you persevere. You brighten my day twice a week.

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