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C10P48 – Clever

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So it occurred to me, last week as I was making home-made burgers (with ALL the best fixings) that Forest Gump had life completely wrong. It is not like a box of chocolates, particularly since you can know EXACTLY what you’ll get out of the box if you just read the handy insert that comes with pretty much every single one of them.

No. Life is like making caramelized onions.

For years, Cory and I have tried to guess our way into figuring out how to make them. But they always turned out as complete disasters. Gummy, burned, blocks of sugar. So finally, I admitted that perhaps I should consult an expert, and I looked up how to make them. It wasn’t a secret ingredient I was missing. It was patience.

Caramelized onions have exactly four ingredients: Onions, salt, and a mix of butter and olive oil to cook the onions in. That’s it. The secret is just time and constant attention. There is no way to rush good caramelized onions. No cheat that makes them come out quick. You slice them, put them in the butter/olive oil, and stir over low heat for a very, very, very long time. At least half an hour, longer is often even better.

And they are so worth the end result. (Especially when paired with Swiss cheese, thin slices of pear, lettuce, and a little mayo/Dijon mustard on a home-made burger…Mmm…piece of heaven.)

Life is like that too. There’s no cheat that makes a dream come quickly. Or a project grow. There’s just time, and constant effort, and consistent heat. Otherwise you just end up with a burned gloppy mess that you have to throw out. Anything that you want to make into a piece of heaven, you have to work for. And wait for.

What other foods is life more like than a box of chocolates, and why?


Children visit this site. Moderate your language accordingly.

I’d say just plain old regular onions as well. People use the analogy of peeling an onion when talking about learning about a new person if that person is layered well. Life is like that too, especially when you’re younger. Just when you think you’ve got the whole thing down, you discover that there’s another layer of it that you’ve only just become aware of. Then sometimes when you start to peel that layer away to see the next one it can bring tears, both good and bad, to your eyes.

Gifts. Life is like gifts. Sometimes you get something useful, sometimes you get something awesome, then other times you get UGLY stationary that you’d never write anyone on, but you have to keep it because ‘it is a gift!’, AND you have to smile and pretend you love it whenever your Nutty Cat Horder Aunt mentions it to you….

THAT is what life is like.

You don’t need olive oil for caramalized onions. You arguably don’t need the salt, either. All you really need is just enough butter to keep the onions from sticking until they reach the right stage. Everything else is icing.

That said, life is also like Leftover Surprise Soup. You take what you get, and you make something out it. It might be good, it might be terrible, but it’s what you’ve got and if you are both clever and lucky, it will be amazing.

So hey, Dream Eater, you know that if you want to be something other than the king of the Underworld, killing your living followers might not be the way to go about it?

Also, stop using Zhiro’s body to commit murder. I like Zhiro. You are aiming to make him very unhappy. And, yanno, he’ll be less useful to you if he’s stuck in a prison or dead.

…caramelized onions?…

Um, ok, pushing away that strange mental image, let’s go with life is like a pizza that gradually becomes larger and more complex over time, but always with the risk that the longer it goes on, the greater the risk of losing slices.

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