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C10P46 – What you are

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Guilt likes to dress itself up as truth.  And it’s often very good at the ruse.  I remember coming out of an appointment with my analyst really stirred up.  We’d been talking about some pretty difficult topics and that inner negative voice had gotten the better of me.  I got in my car, and I realized that I was in no condition to drive.  That doing so would be endangering myself.  I put the windows down and leaned the seat back, pressing my palms against my forehead like I could press out all the chatter in my brain.  It all felt so true, so correct, but the logical part of my mind knew it wasn’t.  That’s the funny thing about those voices, though.  When you’re in their thrall, they can convince you of all sorts of things.  Like the words of the logical part of the brain are actually the lie, and the truth has been what they’ve been saying all along.  I was completely overwhelmed in that moment.  It felt like every resistance I put up only made them louder and louder and louder.

And then I had a new thought about the truth.

Truth doesn’t need to be loud to be heard.

If someone has to shout something at you, that’s probably because they need the violence of their volume to convince you that they’re right.  When something is true — deeply, personally, universally true — it speaks to you in a quiet stillness.  You know it, on some basic level, as truth.  It could be a whisper, but it would still be more powerful than the loudest thunder of falsehoods.

And the moment I thought that, the negative thoughts dissipated.  Because they lacked all credibility when they couldn’t shout what they had to say.

What quiet truths have you found in your life?


Children visit this site. Moderate your language accordingly.

My truth: Don’t forgive because they deserve it, forgive because you deserve peace.

No matter what I told myself, anger, grudges hurt me more than they hurt the others. When anger becomes a habit, it takes a lot of deconstructing to work out what is peace.

Hmph. Robin, you’ve been putting up a lot of serious questions lately that I’ve had a hard time feeling comfortable thinking about, let alone answering them here, on a public site.
But today, I will quote a truth I learned from a movie in my distant childhood, that somehow comes back to me every now and then:
“You are, who you chose to be.”
And I’d be lying if I said it didn’t help a lot when I’m feeling out of sorts.

I’m rarely eloquent enough to be able to explain my thoughts well, so although I find your questions important and interesting, I can’t usually think of a way to explain myself well enough to respond without going on a tangent.

That said, I think something that’s important is that everything must start with you. Whatever you see fit to give to someone else you must also give to yourself, whether it be criticism, respect, affection, appreciation… anything. If they’re worthy of it, you’re worthy of it too, good or bad. I find it helps to keep my perspective of myself balanced to force myself to remember this when times seem grim.

Oh also, I forgot to say that this page is beautiful. I like the perspective on the final image of Mizha, as well as how the clouds seem to be parting around her, perhaps as she comes to the realisation of how things are. Your artwork is mint. It was always expressive and charismatic to start, but now it’s reached a whole new level of amazing. It looks really professional!

Thank you very much! I’ve been studying cinematography and working to apply it to my artwork. Making the angles and backgrounds play roles beyond “look cool” or “tell you where the setting is.” To let them be subtle tools to tell the story as well, depicting power dynamics and mood. It’s been a great challenge and I feel my work has improved immensely as a result!

As someone who has learned this lesson, and learned it hard….

This is probably one of the most heartrendingly realistic arcs about depression and overcoming it that I’ve ever seen.

Kudos to you. You can tell by reading this that you’ve actually been through it.

As for the worry about Mizhiro shippers, I only demand that you find something or someone or some way that will make my adorable Zhiro happy.

I had a character in mind, but then they changed, and now I’m not sure if that couple is going to work out or not. We’ll see!

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