C10P42 Liar – MOKO Press presents: LeyLines, a Fantasy Adventure Comic by Robin Childs Skip to content
Follow

C10P42 Liar

C10P42 Liar published on 11 Comments on C10P42 LiarPurchase

*crawls slowly to computer*

*uploads image with shaking hand*

*Collapses as the ‘publish’ button is clicked*

We just finished the last major convention of our year and I am just plain worn out!! Thank you to everyone that visited the table at Denver Comic Con, it was great to meet more readers in person! And if you followed a flier here, welcome!!

I’ll chat more with all you lovely LeyLians later in the week when I’ve recovered a bit. Hugs to you all, and have an excellent Monday!

11 Comments

Children visit this site. Moderate your language accordingly.

The guilt trips my family always put me through are different from this. They never attack straight on. My mother alway asks for something, and when I refuse, she’ll say okay, but turn cold. When I try to explain why not so she’ll thaw, she’ll say she understands, do what I got to do, but she gets even colder, and won’t look at me. Then when I cave, and give in, she becomes warm and animated again. My sister, when refused, points out all her own flaws that make her unworthy, and I cave so she’ll stop tearing herself down.

The guilt trips my family puts me through are also never this direct. However, the patterns they established internally in my own mind often use this kind of language. Even when I cut myself off from my family, I’ve found that they’ve stayed with me. As angry ghost behaviors and thoughts. The same is true with Mizha. She’s not interacting with a real person here. She’s talking to a fragment of old, established patterns.

The freeze–I’m getting it now, and I’m over 60! Who phones whom first to ask if the other is OK? Who gets to complain that they feel worse? How long can one hold out without phoning–“Oh, I thought I would disturb you, that’s why I didn’t call.” How toxic can you get? What good are firewalls if your own imagination recreates the problem on your side? If this is the family game, at least don’t teach it to the next generation.

For a very long time I thought I’d make a terrible parent, because I was afraid that I’d pass on all the worst things to a child. I was terrified by the idea. Then I met someone who’d had some common issues that I did growing up, and she was one of the most incredible parents I’d ever seen. Her and her amazing daughter were a big inspiration to me. When I talked to her about it, she said that it was all a matter of choice. Now that I work with kids, I experience that directly. The old pattern will rise up first, but I can choose whether or not I let it deal with the issue at hand.

It’s pretty fascinating how we can end up so carefully keeping the jails and prisons that abusive or manipulative loved ones built around us in the past.

And I’m sure I’ve told you before, but this is my favorite arc in Leylines thus far and I’m rooting for Mizha all the way. It can be a heck of a hard thing learning to change and allowing yourself to.

And fresh air and companionship is so very good for many things. Talking with my daughter about the patterns I see in my family has been extremely helpful-especially when she points out more patterns yet–happy ones as well as ones that don’t help anyone. Poor Mizha is going this one alone.

Sadly, I can’t talk to my only brother in a way that brings relief. When we try, all he does is talk in circles, getting more agitated, finding no resolution, no comfort. I can listen, but I’ve learned (by getting counseling) that what I can offer is sadly limited.

I find I can offer the most insight to people not related to me. My family covers enough disorders that I can see someone recreating how they were raised, and point it out to them, offer an alternative. Not all of them appreciate it, but more than I expect reach for that change. In myself, I have gotten rid of a lot of damage, but became stubborn, obstinate, and rudely honest in exchange. As a parent, my biggest fear is that she will be like me. I am the best of my family, but still not good enough. So I guess, even after ‘breaking the cycle’, sometimes we just start new internal ones? Awhorl, if you fear calling, try writing. You made the effort then, and they can choose if they wish to read it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *