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C10P16 – Lost Bride

C10P16 – Lost Bride published on 10 Comments on C10P16 – Lost Bride

You never know when old demons are going to rear their ugly heads.  In Mizha’s case, it’s as soon as she turns around.

I’ve been dealing with my own set of demons this weekend.  I’d been feeling pretty good lately about the future.  My next kid’s writing workshop started and I’ve got a focused group this time with more children joining than I expected.  We’ve got Emerald City Comic Con coming up at the end of the month, a new side-project launching hopefully the end of this week, new people supporting us on Patreon,  I don’t normally feel optimistic about things, but for once I felt like I could believe that everything was going to work out for the best somehow.

Annnnnd then I updated my expenses & budget spreadsheets.

My analyst says that everyone has a Money Complex of some sort.  Lately for me, it means running the numbers, getting really scared of the future, and then bursting into tears as I apologize to Cory for “ruining our lives.”

The good news is Cory has seen this Complex before, and he’s getting better at the counter-argument.  “That job was, quite literally, killing you,” he’ll remind me.  “So we might be struggling a little, financially.  It’s a short-term loss for a long-term investment in our dreams.”

Cory has an amazing capacity for faith that I simply do not possess.  I always believe that everything I do will be a hopelessly valiant effort ultimately culminating in failure.  I work mostly because the alternative is giving up and being dead, whether in the figurative or literal sense.  Cory actually believes we can do this.  And that gives me a lot of hope.  And hope is still not a feeling I’m used to feeling.

“You want to know what I find really scary?” he asked me this Saturday, as I brooded over bills. “The idea of waiting to start one great novel idea until after I’ve retired.  What’s the point of waiting until 65 before I even start doing what I truly want to do?”

It reminded me of a documentary I’d watched on Stan Lee recently.  An interviewer had asked him when he was going to retire, and he replied, “People retire so they can do the thing they’ve always wanted to do.  I’m already doing what I’ve always wanted to do!  Why would I retire?”

I’m so grateful to have Cory with me on this journey.  Not only am I excited to one day release the project we’re co-writing right now together, but he brings an optimistic faith to this effort that keeps me going when I’m ready to fall apart.  He shines a light in the faces of those demons.  He gives me hope.

Who or what gives you hope on your journey?

10 Comments

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“The idea of waiting to start one great novel idea until after I’ve retired. What’s the point of waiting until 65 before I even start doing what I truly want to do?”

That’s just such great advice.
No matter how hard, if you are able, you should try to pursue your dreams. I try and drill this into the people around me, so that maybe they will choose to follow the path of their passion and interests rather than just what will get them money.

I’m going into engineering from physics. Spaceships are my game, haha, or so I summarise it to people. But sometimes I just feel totally lost as I follow that path, and I have no idea what I’m doing or if I’ll ever do anything notable or even make a dent in this wall. But then my friends come along and we sit around a campfire and talk shop. Or I sit and watch Brian Cox talk about how awesome space is. Or I listen to Carl Sagan’s pale blue dot talk and I tell myself that even if it’s a tiny dent it will be worth the effort because I like doing this stuff. <:
It would be a lot harder without my friends (and lecturers!).

I hope that your lights of hope are always bright.

lets start by saying i love that artwork the red shading and eyes are so cool.

Who or what gives you hope on your journey?

my writing its all I have (and after all the hart ache all I want) but I have this knack of turning negative into possessive. my comic stories have only just started to appear but lost more to come and in truth I could not have written half of the scenes I have without going through the hell of a life I’ve had. believe me Robin I know about feeling doom when you look at the number crunching, but I have faith in my work and know it will pull me to bigger things.

as ever my best regards : Aron

I’m celebrating my second anniversary of leaving my full-time job today, and I’ve been thinking all weekend about what to say about it. I have months where I’ve got to dip into savings to pay rent, and months where I make triple what I need and everything feels fine, and wonder which one’s “normal”, which month is determining my typical month, and by proxy, my future.

None of them. None of them are normal. And that’s a huge mental shift, to not have a “normal” anymore. But I’ve seen it again and again. The people who do relatively well financially are the people who are out there, trying new things based on what they’ve learned from their experiences, not ruling out the possibilities for themselves, and maybe even most importantly, talking about their experiences to give other people insight into what direction they’re moving. That’s SO important, to give other people many different ways to help you/hire you/support you on an ongoing basis. It’s something I want to work on for myself, because I think I can do better, and something I think you do extremely well, Robin. It’s super-scary sometimes, but I have every confidence you will find a way to make it work!

Happy anniversary!

I definitely am struggling with the idea that the “new normal” is “no normal.” I’ve always clung to security through stable misery, and trying to get my head around freedom by unstable fulfillment is a daunting prospect. It’s actually quite comforting to hear that it does vary. That maybe this month where savings go down is okay because next month could be different. Weird thought!

Cory sounds like a great guy and he’s very supportive it seems. A supportive partner is always the best.

There were many times where I felt I was ruining my relationship and my partner’s life due to the subject of finance as well. But we’re both beginning life, it’s not as bad when thinking of it at a certain angle, but it could be worse thinking about it at another, I mean such as, good: You can still try to fix yourself. Bad: this is the start, it shouldn’t start out like this, and what if it stays?

What I’m most scared of I guess, is that I’ll ruin my partner’s dreams because of my dreams. There’s a great school out in California that I wish to go to, but he wanted to stay here, but he accepted my dreams and he said that he could still start his dreams there as well. And I hope he’s right. And the school, won’t go easy on money either. >.<
Stan Lee and Walt Disney probably influenced me the most in my life, I hope to one day meet Stan Lee still. Walt Disney… That's a little too late for. But I guess the closest I could get to him would go to the school he founded.
This year has just started and due to all of this, this is probably I've been stressed the most.

In the end, each person is responsible for defending their own dreams. You can’t defend your partner’s and they can’t defend yours. You can only communicate with honesty, check in regularly, set limits, respect each other, and adapt as you go.

One thing I’ve been reminding myself a lot about lately is that when I do things because I’m afraid of what might happen, it usually causes my worst fear to come true. I’ve only gotten good outcomes when I focused on what I wanted to achieve, and tried to pursue it. No matter how optimistically impossible it seemed at the time.

Sounds like you’ve got a lot of tough choices ahead. I hope that you and your partner can face them as a team, and both find happiness!

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