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C10P04 – Reflection

C10P04 – Reflection published on 15 Comments on C10P04 – Reflection

My condolences to my local Denverites on the super-bowl outcome. Be strong, Bronco fans. Be strong.

The show we were going to last Friday got canceled on account of weather, which was a bummer, but at the same time good because Cory and I had decided the roads were too nasty to risk our lives on and had to cancel last-minute. In fact, we both took the day off entirely. And wow, did we need that day. This has probably been the most productive AND restful weekend that I’ve had in a very long time. We wrote, I drew, discovered Bastion, got our out-of-control phone bill under control, (after many hours of swearing at automated phone menus) and made plans for future world domination. Also got some high quality snuggling under heated blankets in. It would be hard to pick a high point, really.

Have you ever tried to express Love to somebody? I know that a lot of people equate love and pain, but I’ve never experienced what I would call actual love this way. I’ve experienced what people have called love, but was actually obligation and abuse, and that was painful. But what I’ve felt for Cory has always been an ever-increasing affection. I supposed there’s pain in that, or something close to the sensation, when my heart feels insufficient to contain that overwhelming fondness. Or when I’m gripped by the certainty that one day it will all end, and one of us will be left behind. But love that has respect and acceptance, support and honesty, that kind of love never seems to come with a pain that cannot be overcome. It challenges me to become a better person, and promises to assist in that struggle to grow.

I’m not sure why I’m suddenly waxing about love. I don’t mean to be a mushy romantic. It’s just been a good weekend, and I’ve really had a good time spending it with someone so dear to me. I hope that you have someone that makes you feel adored, and if not, that you keep reaching out until you find someone that does. Whether that be romantic love, or familial love, or the bonds of deep and abiding friendship. Or even the love you have for your own self. It’s good to be cherished. And everyone deserves to feel that.

How would you describe the feeling of love?

15 Comments

Children visit this site. Moderate your language accordingly.

WHAT IS LOVE? BABY DON’T HURT MEEE! DON’T HURT MEEEEE, NO MOOOOORE!

SorrysorryIhadto. I’m so glad the two of you got some re-charge time. I worry about yous guys. As for love– It’s a lot of different things put together for me, but a main component is the feeling of safety. That could be specific to me; I rarely, if ever, feel safe. I have no memory of feeling safe for any significant period of time. But when I’m with the person I love, I do. I can breathe. So there’s that, combined with the feeling that I really do only want what’s best for her, myself aside. I want very much to be with her and build a life with her, but if a genie ever popped up and told me that her story would be its best version if we never saw each other again, I would disappear. Worst case scenario. As it is, it seems like we’re both better versions of ourselves when we’re together, and I think that’s love, too.

I really like your description of love. To me it’s also sort of seeing the other person as their best all the time, even when they’re hurting or angry or whatever.

Also. Cuddles are good things.

My view on love (all true love, not just romantic) is simple to state but more complicated in application.

Love, to me, is doing what’s good for the other person, regardless of the cost to oneself, and caring about them so much that nothing else is really an option, in the long term.

It also takes an effort to maintain.

It might sound overly romantic, but that’s really how I feel about it. *shrugs* and how I always have. Maybe it’s the result of reading too many fantasy books, maybe it’s the result of watching my parents still holding hands and having tickle fights after more than thirty years of marriage. Who knows? But that’s my view on it.

It’s that “no strings attached” element wherein if the other person truly needs something, even if their loved one doesn’t want that, they can still respect it and give support for that need.

And tickle-fights are good at all ages. 🙂

Exactly.

And on the ticklefights – only if both parties enjoy them ^_^() I’ve always hated ticklefights because when I laugh that hard I often literally wind up unable to breathe. Preceded by a period of squeaking noises in lieu of indrawn breath. Which of course always delights my attacker so they tickle more instead of giving me a chance to get my breath back.

True. Although I would argue that an unwanted tickle fight is no longer really a tickle fight at all. The same way I tell the kids on my playground that a Hug is no longer a Hug if the other person doesn’t want it.

I’ve been rereading the last couple chapters of the comic and this comment chain hit me really really hard. One of the things I”ve been coming to terms with recently is that my grandfather abused me for a (thankfully short due to parental intervention) period in my childhood. Two of the things he would do was pin me down on the floor and tickle me until I wet myself because I was laughing too hard to breathe enough to tell him to stop (and when I said stop, finally, breathless, he wouldn’t because I was laughing, so I must be enjoying it), and he would also wrap his arms around me and not let go until I said the ‘magic word’, which was please, except when that didn’t work. He also didn’t accept “stop it” or “let go of me” or “you’re hurting me”. It had to be “please”, even when I’d gotten so riled up into panic I couldn’t remember it anymore.

And he would justify himself. “I was just giving her a hug”, “I’m just teaching her to be polite”. It was a warning sign nobody noticed until it was too late. but Mom would always step in when he was doing that stuff to me.

A hug isn’t a hug if the other person doesn’t want it, a tickle fight isn’t a tickle fight anymore if someone says to stop.

Exactly. The concepts of consent and healthy boundaries need to be taught at every age. That was always what I tried to do when I was working with kids at school. If someone establishes a boundary (I don’t want a hug, I don’t want to play, etc.) then we need to respect that boundary. People should have the right to say “No” and have other people support that choice.

-nod- If consent and boundaries were taught equally to every child we would have so many fewer criminals, abusers, and rapists. It’s sad.

But in the midst of the sadness, there’s people like you who take back their lives and make them into something beautiful and dedicate yourselves to making good things happen and teaching people how to be better people. Thank you for showing me that it’s possible to move on from your past.

And thanks for making this comic a safe space where I feel comfortable talking about things like this – you and everybody in the comments section who acts like a reasonable human being and makes this a beautiful place to be.

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