I’ve got a bad memory. I’m pretty sure that I’ve mentioned that before. And I’ll probably end up mentioning it again. Because I won’t remember for sure if I have or haven’t. Poor Cory has to deal with this every day, hearing the same stories and realizations over and over again. On the upside, he can re-run L5R campaigns with new groups and I can still play without altering the outcomes, as it’s as if it’s brand new to me every time. And books have HUGE re-read value for me.
My memory is also highly selective with my mood. Sometimes I’ll only remember good things. Sometimes only bad things. Logically, I know that everyone is made of good AND bad things, and thus will have good AND bad memories, but practically I have trouble accessing those things depending on my feelings on one side or the other. And that bothers me, because I’d like to have a balanced view on the people that have been a part of my life, and it’s usually hard for me to do so. Sometimes I, like Mizha, wonder if this makes me a bad person. And sometimes I think it’s just a way my brain developed to help me survive. Maybe losing those memories enables me to do things I wouldn’t be able to otherwise. It’s just hard to say one way or the other, because I rarely know what it is I’ve lost.
I do find it odd what will trigger memories. I know a lot of people say that smells make them remember things, but for me it’s typically sounds, especially music, and, appropriately enough, comic pages. With music, I think it’s because when I get a new album I’ll listen to it ad nauseam until I can’t stand it any more. So when I hear it again, it brings back memories of a time period. Who I was, what I tended to be doing, in that several week stretch. With pages…well, I have no idea why I remember things when I look at old pages. You’d think I’d be less aware of my surroundings when I’m drawing, but most of the time when I pick up a page I have very strong memories of where I was at the time of creating it. Road trip, class room, study. Sometimes who I was with, what I was listening to, or what subject was being taught. For someone with a memory as horrible as mine, being able to recall something that clearly is a rather surreal experience.
What things will spark clear memories with you, and what do you usually recall when it happens?