C08P27 – A little light – MOKO Press presents: LeyLines, a Fantasy Adventure Comic by Robin Childs Skip to content
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C08P27 – A little light

C08P27 – A little light published on 25 Comments on C08P27 – A little light

Sometimes even those with the deepest determination will waver with doubts, and ask for guidance. But will it be provided?

I’ve been a little overwhelmed myself, lately. Cory interviewed for a promotion two weeks ago, and he’s still waiting on the decision. My direct supervisor, who has been a good friend and mentor to the past five years, is leaving to go to another country, and I’m not sure what’s going to happen with the rest of the team at my day-job. For Moko Press, Cory and I are working on trying to find other ways to bring in income, to keep building the company. There’s so many uncertainties. Some days I feel like there’s a real possibility that we could make it all work. Other days, I wonder what I’m trying to do with my life.

It’s funny, the little things that will knock me down. On Wednesday, I had several projects go from 0 priority to NOW NOW NOW. I had four or five different groups to coordinate with, and on a very short time-frame, and I had no idea how I was going to make it work. I was frantically making phone calls, emails, running around and fretting. Held it all together…until I got home, and discovered that the dishwasher wasn’t working. And that’s when I completely fell apart. Because if I couldn’t fix a dishwasher, how could I hope to fix the problem, or my life, or anything at all? No matter, that I’m not an expert in dishwasher repair, or even a novice. No matter, that the functionality of a dishwasher has nothing to do with running a business, or telling a story, or being a good human being. Somehow, my inability to fix that dishwasher seemed like a sign that nothing would ever work, now or ever, and it was because I was no good, and didn’t deserve to have things work. A silly notion, but these things rarely seem to function on logical lines.

I’m thinking about taking a one-week break after the end of this chapter, just to catch up with the buffer and set some things in order. If anyone would be interested in submitting fan art, comics, or fiction, I’d appreciate it. Please email them to robinrone _ AT _ gmail.com

Sorry to be a downer. It’s been a strange and difficult week. I hope yours has been better, and thank you to those that have sent me encouraging notes and comments lately. They’ve been very helpful.

25 Comments

Children visit this site. Moderate your language accordingly.

Well, I’d say, “Yes you can, Robin”. For me, unpleasant things tend to happen all at once. For instance, it happened several ties to me that I’ve had to be present on my workplace precisely when I felt ill most severely. And you know what, I tend to make myself believe, that it’s a kind of a good sign. That I take all the bad things now, in advance, so that there will be less when I go further. I can’t say it works – following Chesterton’s Father Brown, I’m trying to be as materialistic as possible – but such point of view surely helps psychologically.

And also, a week may be differently terrible. I’ve stayed at home this week because of a trauma. Could have laid, could have walked, but couldn’t have sat or stand without pain in the spine. And I’ve thought, whenever it would be better, I’ll be able to work 100% as before. Now it’s much better – and I wasn’t even able to make myself finally clean the room, though I’m still not obliged to go to work.

So when I see you making all this stuff at once, and complaining about your “inability” – well, this makes me envy you. I wish I culd have been such an “unable” person :B

I really like your way of dealing with things when a lot of bad events happen at once. The idea that we’re dealing with them all now, so we don’t have to later, changes how the whole thing feels. Instead of it being weakness that caused all the misery, it’s that we have the strength to face all the bad luck that was going to come, one way or another. Very different way to look at it! Thank you. I will try thinking about things that way the next time I hit a big speed-bump.

Wednesday was bad for me too. My internet had gone down the night before and wasn’t back up, so I tried a different computer on the same connection, and it worked. So I thought there was something wrong with my computer, and spent the day troubleshooting. It turned out that the problem was the IP that my computer was getting from the server, because after I disconnected it for a long enough time, it got a new IP that actually worked. Ruined my day, and the night, and most of the next day when I had a headache.

Apparently I should’ve just pulled the cable and gotten some non-internet work done. But when one computer worked and the other didn’t, I assumed that it was up to me to get my real computer connected again. It was a dreadful job, and I thought I had to do it.

But at least I didn’t blame myself. I don’t think I could’ve handled that. But if I’d had a habit of blaming myself for things that go wrong, I suppose that could’ve triggered me to always do better to avoid that blame, and I could’ve become a very able person. Thus I posit that the silly notion that plagues you might also be what builds you up. Like the chafing grain of sand that causes the oyster to make a pearl. Still no fun with the chafing though.

Sometimes it just seems that everybody has a bad day at the same time. We are Wednesday survivors!

I can see your point, and it’s probably important for me to acknowledge that often these cycles of self-blame and hatred create a strong desire to be better and improve. Still, I can’t help but think that there must be a better motivator. Couldn’t I tap into my passion and desire to explore in order to achieve that same outcome, than constantly drag myself down and beat myself to a pulp first before prodding myself to climb out of the hole again? There’s got to be a better way, because this one takes so much extra energy. I want to put that energy to better use!

Oh yes, I know those feelings all too well. It doesn’t help that when the bad things happen they seem to come at you in packs, slavering and drooling and driving fear into the heart of all you are.

It’s not uncommon to feel helpless, under-qualified, put upon and sometimes even “worthless” (Which we know we’re not).

This too shall pass….

A bread is probably in order! I will see if I can get you something to tide the site over…

Great page by the way, I like that all the characters here are shades of gray – no true villains – just people who’s opinions differ from others and provide conflict because of it.

It would be lovely to be able to send fan-art–my costume sketches look like they were drawn by an eleven year old (sigh). If I only had the time I would create an 11 yr old alter ego, give her an avatar, and send you her renditions {8p.

Seriously, it’s hard to be buoyant when you’re bone-achingly tired–of course the dishwasher’s intransigence is a carefully timed Sign from Eternal Realms of one’s Total Worth. Not.

My little story? The future is beautiful negative space to be revealed in its own time. I make costumes–and the greatest joy is to see their “after market” use. The show is over, years may pass, and then, WOW–out a piece will come for Something Completely Different that was beyond ANYTHING I could conceive when I cut it. I stopped with The Imagination of Disaster (Henry James again) cuz it was so off the mark–the costumes had a better social life than I did, so I decided to with the program so as not to be left out!

The idea of the future being a “beautiful negative space” is a really lovely idea. I struggle a lot with empty spaces, both in a metaphorical sense and a literal one (my idea of decorating is slowly covering a wall with bits of paper). But there is something lovely about nothing. In a weird way. It has infinite potential. And what appears there is one part built, one part spontaneous.

I didn’t know you made costumes!! That is an impressive skill! I know how to sew just enough to appreciate how much craftsmanship goes into a good costume. What was your favorite project?

Beautiful page, and nice job with the dramatic lighting!

When would you need the fanart? I might be able to get you a sketch of some kind before the deadline.

Yes. Robin. Yes. Please do take a break. You won’t be failing or letting anyone down if you do– We love your work, but we know that there’s a real, live human being who does it and that she needs to take care of herself. I know how this stuff works, and if you need time, you need time.

*HUGS* Doubt is normal. You’re doing amazingly. You don’t need to apologize. Keep breathing.

What? No! There is just a robot behind this curtain. An arting machine. Beep boop! Pay no heed to the flashing lights and whir of fans, it’s all good…not overheating…ignore the klaxons, they’ll tire of their noise-making eventually…

…okay, maybe you’re right. When even my joke about being a robot rambles into a message of “melt-down imminent”, that might be a bad sign…

“One foot in front of the other.”
My whole world is collapsing around me. This problem can’t be separated out and fixed because it’s linked with problem 2. Then feelings of failure and unworthiness descend like some evil spell; dimming my eyes, stifling thought, crushing my spirit.
“OK! Deep breath. Take this stack of bills upstairs. Feed the cats.” See, Grasshopper? One step at a time. Wash the dishes. See? That is one little thing accomplished. I may feel like some darkness is trying to eat me but there are clouds in the blue sky out my window. A child laughs somewhere. My mood lightens. Ideas, plans begin ti form.
“One foot in front of another.”

That is a really lovely passage – did you just make that up, or is it from a book? Either way, thank you for sharing.

I still don’t like you, Nikel. Humph.

Also, I believe we will all survive if you take some time off to get yourself together. I really do appreciate you telling us what’s going on in your life. So many webcomics just kind of drop off the face of the earth, which is always really depressing.

The best part is, you don’t have to like Nikel. Or any of my characters, actually. I mostly just want people to understand them. Liking them is entirely up to you. 🙂

I think I can make it to the end of the chapter, but I’m definitely considering the break more seriously now given that everyone I’ve talked to (read: worried out loud to) has responded “HOMIGAWD ROBIN TAKE A BREAK WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU STOP TALKING TO ME ABOUT THIS.”

…that last part may have been added by me.

I keep dreaming of my mother. I haven’t spoken to her in going on two years. She had a stroke at the beginning of the year, and can’t move at all, speak at all now. I keep fighting the battle inside about whether or not to go see her. I feel that I have twenty billion things to say to her, to scold her about, to scream and rant at her, and I feel that I shouldn’t do any of that, just tell her I love her, and I feel I should just stay away from her for both of us… So I keep dreaming of her. Because, I guess, I spent the better part of my life trying to force my siblings and parents and other relatives into a family when they never wanted to be, and it all, of course, roots around her… I’m torn between knowing that nothing I say to her can resolve these things I need to fix in myself, and feeling like I should make sure she understands what she did to my siblings and I. So, it gets all trapped in my subconcious, and when I dream, it is always her and I arguing about how to fix an item that isn’t working.

O.o I tend to write little books when I comment on here, don’t I? You seem to be the kind of writer that is easy to identify with.

You and I have very similar struggles, and my heart goes out to you for that inner war. Do you have someone to talk to about this? I know that seeing a therapist has been immensely helpful for me. Otherwise issues like this can wear away at you. I know that even though I am not physically around my family, they are still with me, like angry ghosts. Sometimes it makes me feel like I’m a little crazy, but having somebody to talk to that understands and doesn’t judge those feelings is helping me work to a better place. I hope you have someone in your life like that! *hugs* Kindness and generosity to both of us. We’re walking a tricky road.

I’ve got a pretty decent network of friends to fall back on. They drive me crazy half the time, but they are always there for me. They listen when I need them to, and boss me around the rest of the time :p 😀

I think you are a remarkable artist and story teller, and a person who is well in touch with the less superficial side of things. You also manage to maintain a good sense of humor about it. I personally think you turned out really well. 🙂

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