C07P26 – No, my lady – MOKO Press presents: LeyLines, a Fantasy Adventure Comic by Robin Childs Skip to content
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C07P26 – No, my lady

C07P26 – No, my lady published on 41 Comments on C07P26 – No, my lady

First of all, THANK YOU so much to everyone that’s replied to the LeyLines Reader Survey!! It’s been so amazing to learn more about you all! I especially am excited to see the responses to that last question. Not only am I amazed at how varied LeyLians are in their interests, but I’ve also learned a lot of new things to look into! (Especially books! Yay!!) If you haven’t yet, PLEASE take a moment to answer these 10 questions! It helps me with a lot of future decisions, including what states I visit for conventions next year!!

Speaking of conventions – Denver Anime fans! I will be at Animeland Wasabi all weekend! Please swing by and say hello!!

I’ve been really excited by the conflicting opinions on Mizha and Zhiro lately. I try very hard to make these characters as human as possible. I want them to be people that sometimes you root on, and other times you just want to pull your hair about their choices, but still have an understanding for WHY they’re acting, even if you don’t approve of it. I’m really happy to see the discussion, and that this isn’t a clear one-is-right-one-is-wrong issue for you all!

On choosing silence…I think a lot of people view silence as “being nice” but I think it’s just as hurtful, if not more, than somebody yelling. I can deal with a yelling person. At least I know what’s going on in their head. When a person refuses to speak, it feels like being held hostage. It forces the discussion into a dead stand-still, in which everyone is helpless, and nobody can solve a problem. That’s part of why “The Silent Treatment” is its own kind of torture. Still, maybe it’s because I don’t really understand how to deal with silence very well. Perhaps I just don’t have the skills needed to solve problems with silence as well as I can solve problems with people that shout at me. How do you navigate a silence treatment?

41 Comments

Children visit this site. Moderate your language accordingly.

My wife has worked hard to break me of my tendency to go silent when angry. A decade or so later (courtship + marriage together), I do this much much less and our arguments are shorter and fewer between because of it.

Yes, my wife was right and I was wrong. (She doesn’t read this, so it’s easier to admit here.) πŸ™‚

That being said, I think in this case, Zhiro is too cowed to say anything. I feel for him. He did what he thought was best.

This is probably the single most engaging visual representation of an internal monologue I have ever come across. Oh my God. If I ever make a comic I will probably steal this general presentation idea, apologies in advance, it just works SO WELL. The layout! The color scheme! AAAAAH

Well, if someone’s silent, there’s something about the situation that’s not comfortable for them. So you have to do a little detective work to figure out what it is. A lot of times, I don’t want to “discuss” a hot-button thing when I know there’s not enough time to adequately hash it out or if we’re out in public, so I’ll clam up and not talk about it. It could also be the person who’s asking feels like the absolute worst person to tell my feelings to (which I think is Zhiro’s situation now). It also really helps if someone else “primes the pump” of the conversation by asking some tangental or unrelated questions just to get them talking about something.

The big big problem is this situation is that Zhiro isn’t comfortable talking about his long-standing feelings for Mizha with anyone, especially not Mizha herself. If there’s a neutral party who he can approach with confidence, that would probably serve him best. (I nominate Kali.)

As for Mizha, she’s just going to have to calm down and let it go for now, to the best of her ability. If she feels overwhelmingly angry, it might be best for her to redirect her anger into something else. Like, I don’t know, avoiding being a target of a village assassination attempt. Or basket-weaving. One or the other.

Also, I just want to point out that Zhiro’s face in the first panel is incredibly well rendered. I’m seeing a lot of artistic improvement since the beginning of this comic, and that always makes me happy. Great job!

Ooouuuuch. So much approval.

I have a really hard time with this, because silence was my refuge for a long time. I find myself giving people silence even though I never meant to. When people do it to me, I usually let it stand for a while. As Delphina said, there’s an uncomfortableness there. Usually you can find a situation that makes things a it easier, though.

You and Delphina definitely make fair points about the environment. I think a big part of it is trust, tho. At some point, trust has to be given that the other party will listen and not betray any feelings shared. If a person isn’t safe, then I understand remaining silent…but sometimes the only way to find out if a person is safe is to give them a chance. It’s a tricky thing! I guess for me personally I try very hard to be a safe person, so when a person chooses silence with me, I find it very hurtful. I wish I could learn to let that go, because in that event it’s probably not me, but how they feel about the situation.

I never understood the silent treatment. That sort of behaviour actually really angers me, to no end.
I’m an adult, you’re an adult. If you need time to blow off steam, tell me; we can talk later. But don’t shut me out. It’s childish and worthless.

Great page Robin!

The Silent Treatment can be it’s own brand of torture. I used it once on a friend (who didn’t know I was using it) one time when they said something so god-awful hurtful to me that I didn’t know how to respond. I’m no good at thinking on my feet so I was taken aback at the time and didn’t respond at all. Afterwards the Silent treatment made it easier for me, because I didn’t have to deal with how angry and hurt I felt with her, but after a while, I realized that it was unfair to the person I was being silent to. So eventually I was able to talk about it, but having the space beforehand to think about it was nice too in that I could gather my thoughts and not retaliate with my own hurtful words.

Silence can also be a form of protection. I used it a lot when i was younger, not telling anyone how I felt so they couldn’t hurt me. Zhiro seems to be doing the same thing; he doesn’t want to be rejected, so he doesn’t say anything. Easier for him that way.

I think it’s really remarkable how you’ve examined both sides of silence, and I really appreciate how you shared it here! I can see how it can be a form of protection from external harm, but it’s also a way to avoid dealing with feelings. It’s beneficial in that it gives time to process feelings, but if drawn out too long, can be very unfair to the other party if you’re trying to solve the problem.

I know exactly how Zhiro feels: have so much you want to say but being unable to say it.

Also, the background you made for Zhiro’s inner thoughts? That… looks so epic. (Though it took me a minute to realise it was in the shape of Zhiro’s head… I’m really slow sometimes)

I enjoy the lack of verbal conflict, embrace the peace and quiet it provides, and try for a nap… Just saying. I figure if they aren’t going to assist me in solving the issue, then there isn’t one, after all. Then again, I’m all kinds of strange and stubborn :p

I wish I could embrace quiet like you can! I take everything so personally…I’m trying to practice accepting things better, but I always feel so responsible for the feelings of others. If I can’t immediately work something out, I feel like I’ve failed. I know it doesn’t make any rational sense…but sometimes patterns like that don’t follow rationality! Any tips on how to let things go the way you do?

I just grew tired of the anger, fustration, the overwhelming magnitude of someone else’s feelings causing MY chest to hurt, even when it wasn’t my fault, or isn’t my issue to clean up. From a psychological standpoint, my prying was technically making it worse AND causing me more emotional stress, and from a Taurus (stubborn :p) standpoint, I embraced the determination to not keep getting pulled into that cess pool of dark hurt and anger.

My friends just tell me I’m evil that way :p

Mehh.. Depends on what happened before. If there is a real give and take between equals, clamming up IS wrong. If what has gone before is someone saying “Your wrong and you better admit it. No don’t you dare disagree w/ me. That proves your wrong and now won’t admit your fault.” Well then I don’t really see any point in arguing with them.

I think this is a really important point in this context. “If there is a real give and take between equals”. But if you don’t feel like an equal because you’ve been made to feel lesser than the other person? Or if you feel nothing you say will matter or change the other party’s mind because they’ve already made up their own version of things? Then what’s the incentive to risk escalating the situation with more yelling?

At the risk of TMI and unwanted pity…

Silence has its purpose. I was in an extremely abusive relationship for a long time; nearly five years. Having been through that for so long, you tend to come up with tactics that keep you relatively safe. Silence is one of those tactics. If I say nothing, it cannot be twisted and used against me, now OR later. Or, alternatively, if you twist my silence now, the dispute, such as it is, is much more quickly forgotten and not as commonly used against you.

I, too, handle screaming and yelling far more easily than silence, Miss Robin, for similar reasons. But then, I know how to handle being yelled at, and hit. For a long time I preferred that to a simple disagreement BECAUSE it was all I had grown up knowing how to handle. It’s taken a long time and an infinite amount of patience from my wonderful husband to get over that, and he is kind enough to at least tell me when he needs space. It takes a whole lot of willpower to leave him alone long enough to gather his thoughts rather than badger his into yelling. Typically I go into another room and read. It takes me to another world that is, at least for the time being, infinitely more pleasant and bearable than my own.

And, for the record, should anyone reading this need help or advice getting over or out of their own abusive relationship let me know and we can trade information. I’d love to be able to help in any way I can. (Cassandralys at gmail dot com )

Cassandra – kudos to you for getting out of there! I myself was in an abusive long-distance friendship for hte same amount of time, so I understand the scars that come with it.

Silence for me is uncomfortable because I was on the receiving end of the silent treatment. Instead, I tend to apologize or say the minimum to answer a question, even if it’s a lie just to make the other person get off my back. Which is pretty much what Zhiro is doing here. He’s hurting and he wants to tell Mizha how angry he is that she’s angry, but he is too scared froma buse at the hands of too many people to say something so forthright to one of his ‘betters’ – when she’s in an angry mood, most especially.

Abuse makes everything hard. Abuse (and neglect too) changes a person’s rational worldview into something twisted and broken.

From what we saw of Mizha’s mother, all three kids were the victims of abuse and neglect to various measures, and Mizha’s outburst seems to me a result of that neglectful behaviour, some hidden scar that resulted from her mother’s inner torment lashing out at the kids… and Mizha’s starting to repeat that pattern, like many abuse victims.

Anyway, sorry to tangent in my reply to your comment, Cassandra. It’s nice to meet people who have had similar experiences so you can realize, you weren’t alone. I never had someone hit me, but I still have nightmares about what might have happened if he and I were still living in the same state when things turned ugly.

Good luck to you in your continued journey. Your hubby sounds like a wonderful guy, keep him!

What? No! I just read through this story for the first time, and when I got to this page, I just kept clicking next and thinking maybe something was wrong with it. This is one of the very best stories, even if it was a little confusing at first.
Also, I agree with you that silence is more hurtful than yelling. But poor Zhiro πŸ™

mac here i love leylines it is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cool

Let me start out by saying that I really enjoy LeyLines. It’s made me think deeply, it’s made me laugh out loud, and it’s made me actually want to open up. You have my thanks.
I don’t like talking about things that bother me mostly because I’m PETRIFIED of people seeing the “real me” and leaving me. If I go quiet, it’s because the only things I can think of to say are going to reveal what I’m thinking. Even writing this anonymous comment was hard, because this means I’m admitting there’s something wrong.
I’ve hated myself for a long time, on and off, and sometimes I feel like if I’m open about what I feel, then other people will realize I’m not really worth their time. If I’m honest about what goes on in my head, I become a burden. If I wear my mask, no one has to worry about me. My smile is the most common lie I tell. Until the past year, this has worked out pretty well, but recently, it’s been causing bigger and bigger problems for me. I don’t know what’s more disturbing; deciding not to kill yourself to keep your family from being disappointed, or finding yourself wishing everyone would forget you were ever born so no one would miss you.
I’ve sought help recently, and the seeking of said help has dramatically delayed (or possibly even destroyed) my ability to achieve a childhood dream. But this help will probably give me the ability to *not hate myself*.
…Worth it?

Worth it? Yes, I believe it, without a doubt. I won’t speak to what you’re going through, as I’m not you and cannot truly know any of the root causes and pains. I can say that I strongly relate to everything you said and am personally very familiar with many of those feelings. So I will speak to my own feelings as I relate.

I can tell you that my mask eventually became a prison. I felt like I was experiencing the world through frosted glass, and I knew, just KNEW, that beyond it must be my life and full emotions. When I went into therapy, that was why. I was tired of living on the other side of that glass.

It was hard. Still is, but in different ways than when I started. I’ve been in therapy for over five years, but that was the beginning of a whole new life for me, and that continues to be true. Things are different without the mask. I’m able to feel like…like I’m actually a person for the first time. On my good days, that I might even be a good person.

And that, more than anything, has actually enabled me to pursue my dreams far more effectively than ever before. Before, I set myself up for failure, so I could then hate myself more when I inevitably failed. Now, I can consciously set myself up for success, and learn from mistakes on the way. Both of which I’ve found very necessary for building up little successes that add up over time.

I don’t know what your dream is, so I don’t know how this recent change has impacted it. I do know that life is a constant force of change, and it is far easier to guide that change when you only have to face circumstances, instead of fighting the world AND one’s self. To be one’s own ally is a pretty powerful experience. It makes it much easier to become part of communities that are healthy, safe, and supportive, too.

I am glad you’re here. I’m exceptionally glad you posted. Thank you for sharing something so frightening and so difficult. Thank you for continuing to work with it, struggle with it, learn from it, so you can still be here today. I hope you continue to be here tomorrow, and many, many, many tomorrows after that. Because I believe you are a good person, a strong person, and the world is a better place with you in it. The world NEEDS people willing to look at the darker parts of themselves and search for the light inside them. I wish you all the luck in that journey. Feel free to comment or email any time.

Okay, just give me a second to freak out that you actually replied and you’re a real person and a NICE person and you understand and you wrote such a long and thoughtful reply wow thank you.
Okay, done.
Still love LeyLines; it still makes me think and smile and yell at characters for being so agh, but they’re beautiful and in-character and stuff. ^_^ It’s my latest Internet craze.
I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormon), and my childhood dream is/was/will always be to serve a mission. I was actually in training when the aforementioned issues suddenly drew attention to themselves. What actually drove me to seek help was the realization that I couldn’t serve my mission to the fullest if I hated myself. I wouldn’t be an effective missionary until I got help. I thought I was just depressed.
But then everything went sort of sideways. Now I have NO idea what’s wrong with my head, just that something IS, I’m finding out that I had a family history of anxiety disorders that I knew nothing about, other missionaries are saying I did and said things I have no memory of, and people are throwing around very long and scary words that I can’t entirely define.
But they sent me home because of it. And even though I want to go to church, I don’t want to face anyone, so I hide in the back and go with my mom to babysit the little kids while their parents are in Sunday School.
I’m mostly terrified because of the stigma associated with mental illness in general. I won’t be ME anymore, I’ll be that crazy girl who couldn’t even finish six weeks of missionary training.
But my family’s been super-supportive, though my siblings don’t really know what’s going on, and I’m still going to get help, and my dad understands what I’m going through to the point where it SCARES ME.
It’s hard to see worth in myself, so what you said… I mean, my friends have told me they love me and want me around, my mom is so afraid I’ll leave that I can hear it in her voice when we talk about doctors and therapy, and it’s good to hear it from them, but you listened to a complete stranger rant about a problem even though I’m sure you’re busy, so thank you. Thank you for posting, thank you for reading my stupidly long comment, thank you for caring enough about a stranger to REPLY, thank you for saying those wonderful things to me. Thank you for being so open.
And thank you for extending that invitation to comment that I’m totally not abusing. ^_^; (Sorry about that.)
LeyLines! <3

In my experience, the people that truly care, the people that I WANT to have in my life, are the ones that will always welcome me and support me on my path to personal peace. If someone dismisses you for being “crazy,” that reflects more on them than it does on you.

In terms of spirituality, it is difficult to show love and devotion to any faith if you cannot show love and devotion to yourself. Your dream may have to take a back-seat when it comes to place and time, but in the end I’m sure that you will be able to have a stronger relationship to what you believe once you’ve struggled through your personal darkness. Isn’t facing those kinds of trials what faith is for?

Take care of yourself. I’m sure you’ll find your way.

i started reading your comic e few days ago.
You indeed are a pefectionnist and it shows (on the very first page).
i’m commenting here just to say it is now my favorite page.
Everything here is perfect, from Art to Zhiro’s mind…just perfect.

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