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C07P12 – Everyone Dies

C07P12 – Everyone Dies published on 13 Comments on C07P12 – Everyone Dies

If there’s any character the most outwardly like me, it’s probably Kali. At the very least, she got the majority of my faults. Stubborn, practical to the point of impracticality, and a catastrophizer. I fret about things. A lot. And I don’t just worry that something bad might happen. I worry that the worst possible thing ever will happen. A minor embarrassment is clear to set of a cataclysmic chain of events that will result in the utter destruction of my relationships, my career, my hopes and dreams. You know. The little things. ๐Ÿ™‚

Poor Cory. He’s put up with this constant fretting for the…geez, seven years (?) we’ve been together? I asked him the other day if I’d gotten any better. He said “Yes and no. You still worry the same amount. The difference is that now you mostly worry about the things that matter, instead of all the little things that don’t. Now I just wish you’d learn to only worry about the things you can change.”

In an odd way, I wonder if that is what growing up is about. Learning that the little things just aren’t worth worrying over, acknowledging that some things are worth paying attention to, and accepting that the things that are impossible to change aren’t worth the time and energy to nail-bite about. I certainly would have a lot more energy to spend on the things I could change that way! And probably sleep better too. ๐Ÿ™‚

How would your life change if you were free of worry?

13 Comments

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I imagine I would save a lot of time without worrying about the unimportant stuff. But maybe, something I should have worried about would sneak up and slam me because I was unprepared! Now I’m worried.

…If I were free from worry, I would actually be able to do things. I haven’t finished one story– one thing I’ve tried to do that actually relates to what I want to do with my life because of anxiety. It’s kind of depressing, really. ๐Ÿ˜›

If I was free of worry I probably would have showed up for more of high school! ha. Oh but seriously I’d leave my room more often and be outside doing great things like adventuring. Dunno, I get a lot of “oh no we might lose the house in two months” along with silly worries my minds makes up for itself like answering phones or leaving my house.

in short I’d be a much more free person without worry.

Ravazhi really knows how to handle her.

If I didn’t worry, I would spend much less time thinking about money. And “oh god will I ever make something of myself” and so forth. It would be nice, but ever since college started I’ve gotten much better at the whole “take a deep breath and put this in proportion” thing.

Oh goodness, if you ever find the secret to kicking the “oh god will I ever make something of myselfโ€ worry, please share. I grapple with that beast every few weeks!

Putting things in proportion is a very useful skill. It’s just hard when one is impatient!! Not that I speak from experience, of course…;)

My life wouldn’t change, overmuch, really. 5 years ago it might have, and I don’t know exactly what caused the shift, but one day, while worrying about something inane…it just struck me as a waste…of time, energy, and…life! So… I decided to quit. I’ve been pretty much worry free since then, with the exception of a few important things I may or may not be able to prevent, depending on the circumstances.

There’s a saying in my family that if my mom ever stopped worrying, we’d start looking for the mind flayer in the corner. Mom herself says that she could never be free from worry – because she’d have this nagging, gnawing worry that somewhere, somehow, somewhen, she had forgotten to worry about something that needed worrying about.

As for myself? I’d be able to finish things instead of losing momentum partway through, looking back at what I’ve done, and telling myself it’s all crap and terrible.

It’d be nice to be able to finish something. I’m really my own worst critic.

How’d you get over that to work on Leylines every day without scrapping everything and telling yourself it’s not worth it? It’s an amazing story but you and I sound very, very VERY much alike so I’m curious about your methods.

I trick my perfectionist. See, the perfectionist says “it must be perfect, or it’s worthless,” so I say:

“Okay, well, you know what the most important thing is? Keeping the schedule. I must have a perfectly kept schedule. Priority Number One. All other things must submit to the schedule.”

So suddenly, if an image or the script isn’t 100% perfect, it’s okay because if I reworked and reworked and reworked, I wouldn’t have enough time and would be imperfect on priority number one.

So that’s one trick. The other isn’t a trick, just personality traits. I value the completion of things. I never make promises lightly, so if I promise to finish something, I will go to unreasonable lengths to see it through.

And, as I’ve gotten older, my perspective on life has changed too. I still look back on the first page of every project I’ve ever done and think it’s awful. LeyLines included. I’ve trained myself to embrace that. Because imagine this: Imagine I looked back on what I did five years ago, or two years ago, or even a month ago, and all I could say was “Yes. That is my best work. I can do no better now, after all this time of trying, than I did then. My efforts have been in vain. My creative life was over all that time ago, though I didn’t know it then.”

Knowing that my work was terrible when I started means that my creativity is alive and growing. And it means that I can become something greater every single day, as long as I keep moving forward.

Besides, that’s what first drafts are for! Finishing! Making them good is what revisions are for. ๐Ÿ™‚

I worry that way, too. Every little thing becomes a disastrous cataclysmic apocalypse. Some people call it making a mountain out of a molehill. My mom used to say it was my “Venezuelan melodrama.” Whatever it is, the effects of it are less visible to others now than when I was younger. I still freak out, but now it’s just internalized. Which usually gives me the time to work through it and realize it’s nothing before I verbalize it, haha

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