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C06P25 – Not your moonbeam

C06P25 – Not your moonbeam published on 24 Comments on C06P25 – Not your moonbeam

Not much to say today. This was a bit of a crash and burn weekend, but I don’t know why. Always something I struggle with — not knowing the “why” of things. Like if I could just grasp the root of the problem, I could rip it up like a weed.

Without the why, it’s hard for me to have compassion for behaviors and feelings. Particularly anger. I’ve had a deep-seated belief that only bad people are angry. I know, I know, that’s silly and ridiculous. Everybody gets angry. Yet I cannot shake the knee-jerk reaction I have to my own anger — being angry just makes me angry that I’m angry, and then I get angry that I’m angry about being angry.

It’s a rotten cycle, but goodness is it hard to get out of once you’re in.

Sometimes, I use characters in my stories to explore my own conundrums. Often figuring out how to solve their character arc helps me solve my own. Or at least find a new perspective on it. Both Mizha and Zhiro will have their own struggles with anger. This is only the beginning for Mizha.

Sorry for being a bit of a downer today, guys. Did anyone have a good weekend, to balance out the scale on my bad one? What did you do?

24 Comments

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Robin! First of all, dooon’t apologize! Apologizing is strictly prohibited. Be kind to yourself. You’re allowed to have feelings and difficult weekends the same as the rest of us.

As for what I did this weekend, you were the architect of that :). Ash and I frantically finished our round 1 entry, and terrifying as it was, I’m really glad I got to be a part of this lovely organized chaos. So thank you.

Seriously, TAKE CARE OF YOU, all right? You do so very much, and I know your kind. You can’t be looking out for other people all the time. You deserve to be human, too. <3

I got two days on my lonesome this weekend…

I wrote two half chapters this weekend for Bestowed(after finishing one earlier in the week). When my muse was flummoxed by continued writing, I turned to further building my archive for both Plague and TOHS. (I now have the entire month of November covered for both titles! :D)

I am also working on a fly rod I’m building from a kit to give to a friend this Christmas. It is done in blues and purples and golds, and is coming along very nicely.

I love my family, but I don’t get near enough quiet time anymore…so weekends like this past one are very much a boon to my soul.

Mizha’s attitude here – I can totally understand it…I am often perplexed by the need of some people to place responsibility for their lives on others.

So, just started reading this, and I can say with fair surety that I love your story-telling style. This is elegant, and I have just enjoyed all the characters and all their quirks. This is an excellent work and I look forward to reading more!

It was a nice Saturday. We went to the museum of antiquity in Hannover for the exhibition about antic seafarers of second millennium BC in Aegean, and then to the rest of the museum. Six hours almost nonstop, oh yeah! In contrast, Sunday was a day of laziness. Though actually I was able to restart my ConLanging project, at least I’m making a try.

Now it’s Monday, and we are to work. It’s really making me curious – where could be an exit out of Mizha’s dream…

I always love a good trip to the museum!! I almost always find it incredibly inspiring! Any interesting tid-bits of knowledge to share?

Hmmm… there were too many.

OK then, there are striking similarities in the construction of the boats adopted by different cultures over the world. The earlies ships of Aegean, of Bronze-Age Scandinavia, of of northwest coast of America and of Pacific Islands show striking similarities construction – up to a high “tail” on the poop. The construction, the purpose and the operation area are also very similar. This doesn’t show these cultures were somehow interconnected – much more it is an indication that the same technological solutions may develop independently, and are caused by the same factors (lacking of wide enough trees, bending the prow up to lower the water resistance etc.).

There have been a model of an Egyptian boat. It has a traditional form of a papyrus boat, but there is one detail – it has seven people. However, unlike the people of Mesopotamia, the Egyptians lacked bitumen to make reed boat waterproof, so that in normal circumstances such a boat could have supported only thee. This gives rise to a conclusion, that such vessels were actually made of wood, but kept the traditional form.

Finally, the warriors of Mycenaean era used to have helmets made of boat tusk. They even decorated their ships with them, apparently also to show the pirates that it is guarded. What strikes me is how many boars they needed to make a helm, and it seems not to be a rare artifact of the epoch.

Oh, by the way, have you heard of Elizabeth Wayland Barber’s “Women’s Work”?

Robin, I am beginning to think that I am simply a clone of you. 😛

Lovely page as always. You draw anger so very well.

Haven’t you ever heard of righteous anger? Sometimes the most important thing for a good person to do is to get angry!

As for my weekend, it was pretty good! I hung out with friends like usual, I finished some terrain for points in a Warmachine league that looks *great*, learned to use two new materials through that, had a fun and rare 3-way game (I lost, but learned alot!), and went to the Amanas for breakfast. Mmmm Mennonite tourist breakfast!

I’ve heard of righteous anger – and I’m sure it exists out there – but I’ve never witnessed or experienced an anger that did anything other than harm everyone, including the bearer. I’ve never seen it solve a problem, only get in the way of finding solutions.

I’m not saying it can’t happen. I’m just saying it’s never been the case in my life so far. Maybe some day!

Sounds like you and Khan, my fiance, would have a grand ol’ time on a weekend. He’s a Warmachine fan. He plays primarily Cygnar and Protectorate. (And now he’s telling me to ask you who your favorite casters are.)

Hehe. I’m a Shae girl, but I love watching Sorcha wreck me and I’m completely in love with all the Trolls for story and models (I’m definitely more about units than ‘jacks though, so I’m sticking with Talion Charter for now).

And what keixell said is kind of what I meant about righteous anger. Anger isn’t a loss of control, it’s just one way to feel. You have a right to feel whatever you feel, even if someone else thinks it doesn’t make sense. It’s what you do with that feeling that can be good or bad. Think of it this way: Lily Ledbetter was *angry*, she’s said “livid” when she realized she’d been unfairly paid for 20 years. She didn’t hit people or scream or whatnot, she channeled that rage to effect change to create a more just society. When you get angry because something is wrong, don’t focus on shutting that emotion down, instead work to use the focus and energy it gives you to make things right.

Getting angry at being angry makes sense. Anger is basically a loss of control. And the older one gets the easier it is to succumb to it. You have to work at not getting angry, and I can tell you that it is a very difficult path. I strive to contain my anger but it simply doesn’t happen.
When I was younger, say 10 years ago? I rarely got angry. When i did, people were shocked because they had never witnessed that behaviour from me in the past.

But don’t beat yourself up over it; just strive to do better. 😀

I get angry at being angry all the time. This causes me to play the stupid “I’m not angry, I’m fine” BS game that I hate, and I even do it with myself. I finally sat down and did a really deep analysis of why I do that and I realized it’s because somewhere along in my youth, I was taught I didn’t have a *right* to be angry. My feelings on the matter (whatever it may be) were not valid. After years of that suppression, I finally let it go. I have a right to my anger, so do you. It does not make you a bad person. What makes you a bad person is what you do with that anger. I just read an amazing article about a man who probably had, what many people would see, a completely justifiable reason to give into his anger and seek vengeance. And he didn’t. Check it out here: http://www.spiritmag.com/features/article/the_heart_of_darkness/

Remember, darlin’: you are a good, wonderful person, who is a blessing to those who are lucky enough to know you; and being angry, for whatever reason, is okay–it’s fabulous even, because it only means that you give a shit enough *to be angry* when it doesn’t go right! We all love you dear! xoxoxoxo

I never thought of anger that way — of it being a consequence of caring about something. I’m not sure how to feel about that, but it definitely is worth thinking about further.

I also feel like I have no right to anger. I know intellectually that this belief isn’t true, but I still can’t feel that it’s true, which makes things even more frustrating. I hope one day I, like you, can learn to let it go. Thank you very much for the comment and the article!

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