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C06P22 – Never Speak

C06P22 – Never Speak published on 13 Comments on C06P22 – Never Speak

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Like most creative folks, I deal with ups and downs – sometimes with crashes after a particularly high-energy events. Reaching the goal last week was definitely such an event, and this weekend yielded a bit of a crash. As I started to come out of this low, I wanted to give myself some advice for next time, and I thought it might benefit someone else too:

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Children visit this site. Moderate your language accordingly.

Oh, Tama. *shakes head*

Anyway, about your video– first off, I am sorry to hear that you had a difficult patch. I know someone else who often appears to have to pay for every success with a period of absolute, nonsensical awfulness, and it seems terrible unfair to me. I wish there was a way I could prevent it, for her, for you, and for basically everyone ever.

I hope making that video will help you when you need it to, because after watching it, I am pretty sure it is exactly what many, many people need to hear. Probably more than we’d like to think, actually. I maintain that you’re doing an incredibly brave, worthwhile thing here, and I am not the only one who would love to see you succeed. No pressure– and I mean that. We just like you and your work and we want you to be happy, so we can be happy for you and all of us can be happy together in a great big…happy thing. I am eloquent LOL.

I’m going to cut this ridiculously long comment short now. I just wanted you to know that you’re awesome and a metric shitload of people are rooting for you.

Thank you for your kindness. There’s a remarkable amount of goodwill in that heart of yours, and it is beautiful. 🙂

As nice as it would be to prevent the downs, they are a part of me, and learning about the purpose they serve in me has helped me learn about myself. And they have gotten better as I’ve learned. I’ve been seeing a therapist for about four years, and this low was one of the gentlest I’ve ever weathered, particularly following such a remarkably high up. I take comfort in that — like I said to myself, a moment is temporary. We can get better every day.

Saving video forever. I often need to remind myself that, yes, I have been doing this for “a long time” but that those I look up to and want to be as successful as have been doing it longer.

*hugs* You’ve got your Leylians behind you, darling, and you can move mountains! We are mighty!

First off, Kali’s face in the last panel is a gorgeous, subtle thing and I approve so very hard.

Second, it sounds terribly uneducated of me to say “I know that feel, bro”, but I do. There are times when it feels like every inch of success I might gain is coupled with a two foot leap backward in doubt and frustration and pain. If I accomplish something in the morning, I can count on the rest of the day being entirely non-productive and painful. That being said, I would like to remind you that all of us are here for you, whenever you need us. And you are incredibly brave for not only talking about your weaknesses, but showing them to the world and trying to give others the chance to gain from your miseries past. That’s enough to admire right there– even if you didn’t create any art and didn’t pour your life and soul into a beautiful story, I would admire you just for that. You might not be a comedian, but you have a wonderful, open way with people.

And the next time you get down in the dumps like this, I encourage you to think about your OCTs. No, they might not be your life’s passion, but they are something you invest a great deal of time and energy into, and something that has already changed the lives of people who participated in them. When I joined TBOS, I was on the verge of giving up writing and art forever. I was a severely depressed little wreck of a teenager with no one to talk to at home. But I got pushed into it, and I cannot be more grateful. You and your OCT kept me writing. Even if I did get kicked out first round. Just the fact that there were people interested in what I had to say when it felt like no one I could see would spare a minute for me. Now think about that. I am one of hundreds of people that have participated in your OCTs over your time. Just the one round changed my path that much. You’ve already made an impact in the world. You’ve already done fantastic things. And the fact that you continue to do so and try to help everyone around you is something amazing and special. Thank you for all you do.

[/rambling]

Brave? You’re very kind to say so! I guess I never view it as bravery — it’s just me. That’s the experience I have, so that’s the experience I can bring. That’s my value. Hopefully others can relate to my experience and find value in it too.

On the one inch gain to two foot backward leap — I used to feel like that about everything, but as I’ve gotten older, and worked with these patterns with a psychologist, the ratio of distance forward to distance backward has more and more turned in my favor. It just takes a lot of time and work. From all the wonderful strength and caring you’ve shown me, I’m sure that one day you will turn the tide for your own process too.

I shared what you said about your OCT experience with Khan as well, since both of us care a lot about those projects. I’m so glad that you got so much out of them — I often worry about people that lose a round, particularly early on. Your story demonstrates that a win or loss is all in how you choose to view the experience. It makes the entire effort feel worthwhile!

Thank you!

*all of the internet hugs* I’m gonna share this with everyone I know ever.

I think a lot of creators’ problems come from putting too much value on external validation. Getting famous. Getting published. Making lots of money. And you can’t do that. It has to come from within yourself. If your goalposts are too far–fuck it! Move ’em! They’re *your* goalposts! Don’t think about getting published until you finish your novel. Don’t think about finishing your novel until you finish this chapter. Don’t think about tomorrow until you write this chapter or this page or this paragraph. (Or the artist’s equivalent thereof.)

I mean, I want to get published someday. The key word there is someday. In the meantime, I’m gonna do the best I can, every day, and try to make sure I can’t look in the mirror and say, “Damn, I crapped out.” And even if I do, that just means tomorrow I can be better.

*coughs* Sorry. Watching your video and then listening to “Carry On” was like shooting motivation right into my solar plexus.

(Oh. Yeah. This was an awesome page, too. This shipping thing is like a disease.)

*hugs* I haven’t made it a secret how I feel about your work, and you as a person. That hasn’t changed, nor will it. You are amazing, inside and out, personality and talent. Enough said.

Rereading certain pages, I realize now and can better put it into words that… wow. In this panel, you can really FEEL the fact that nobody has ever told Kali before that it was okay to be what she is. That the concept of there being nothing wrong with her is totally new to her. Maybe I’m just projecting, but even if it’s just the shock of hearing TAMA say that that’s put that expression on her face, it’s such a lovely thing of subtlety and beauty.

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