Although technically I already “introduced” this character, I’ve been so excited to bring this particular assassin into the story, to round out our merry band of murderers. Who knew what began in brainstorming as three empty suits would turn into a set of characters that I enjoy writing just as much as I do the main cast!
It’s been an odd week so far. It started with a dream, or a nightmare, that really rattled me, and days after I still cannot shake the need to look over my shoulder. It doesn’t help that I keep having follow-up dreams with a similar theme. Of something trying to trick or force me into doing something I don’t want to. And even though I’m glad that dream-self is standing up and saying “No,” it only seems to delay the problems, not solve them. I’m not sure exactly what’s going on in my psyche at the moment, but it feels like it’s important.
Perhaps related is that I have a case of The Doubts again. It’s not unusual that The Doubts come knocking. They just seem a little more potent at the moment. The “What if this never works?” and the “You’re just fooling yourself,” and the “Even if you ‘succeed,’ you lose,” sort of thoughts. And I know that the best way to make those Doubts come true is to listen to them, but that’s the thing about The Doubts. Even when you call them on their bluff, they whisper, “Maybe so…but why would you listen, if we didn’t contain at least a grain of truth?”
And maybe they do. The odds are certainly not in my favor. Yet poor odds have never stopped me from trying things in the past. They certainly won’t now. And even if I “fail” — even if I never make a living at storytelling the way I hope to — at least I will have made stories that I loved and was proud of. Stories that hopefully inspired other storytellers. And perhaps, even if I don’t make it, those future storytellers will.
Still, it may be time for a weekend trip to the mountains, and a quiet night curled up with a cup of tea and Megamind.
Do you ever come down with a case of The Doubts? How do you wrangle them?