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15 Comments

C06P28 – Secrets

November 12, 2012

I’ll be traveling all week, so I’ve set up some auto-updates for pages. If all goes well, everything should proceed as normal, other than my responses to comments/tweets will be a little slower than normal.

The fact that Tama considers his status as an ugly secret is an interesting idea to me. Sometimes we get in our heads that something about our talents or lives is shameful, even when it’s nothing bad at all. Just different.

I remember when I was in junior high, I’d lie about my grades to my classmates. I was a straight-A student, but I sure wasn’t telling them that! I became a master of the lie-by-implication, commiserating about “how tough” tests were and, if pressed to share a grade, I’d usually suggest I’d gotten whatever they’d gotten. In retrospect, it seems a silly thing to hide, but junior high was like being a piece of meat in a piranha tank for me. I didn’t want anything to make me stand out.

Or maybe it’s just that I’m a naturally private person. During the election four years ago, I proudly wore my “I voted” sticker. A man in the elevator noticed it and said, “So who’d you vote for?” His tone was very aggressive, in that “Tell me so I can judge you” sort of way, so I replied, “I’d prefer not to say.” He got irritated, “Aw, come on, I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours!” Again, I responded, “No. I’m happy to live in a country where we are granted the merits of an anonymous vote, and I’d like to keep it that way.” Mercifully, the doors opened again and I beat my hasty retreat, with him shouting at me as I exited.

I guess I just like my secrets! How about you? Do you like to keep things to yourself, or are you an open book?

15 Comments

Wow some people just don’t get the hint that they’re inquiry isn’t wanted! Gads… and they wonder why people start snapping “None of your business”

Gorgeous page, and I like your focus on him being not proud of his standing. It is definitely something I have seen before!


Uhm,… Actually, your experience in the elevator has nothing to do with you being a private person. It’s your goddamn right to keep your vote anonymous and none of his business trying to coax it from you. In truth, the very fact that he tried is outrageous. You reacted very sensible as you did, but I think I’d have given him a piece of my mind for even trying to get that information from me.


True! That’s a very good point. I was so stunned that I was just happy to stay as coherent as I did. It certainly got me riled up for the rest of the day. Which is typical. I wish I could learn to be witty under fire. Instead I’m usually just bewildered!


I am definitely of the open book variety, much to my husbands dismay, more often than not! I used to have a policy where no matter what question you asked I would give you a 100% honest answer. I have modified that slightly to accomodate said wonderful husband so my home life remains blissful. However, there are still very few things I keep secret.


I used to be the same way, especially with “How are you?” but I’ve learned most people don’t actually want to know. Still, if a friend asks me a question, they’re going to get a full answer. Be careful what you ask for!!

Sounds like you have found a good balance for you & your hubby. Compromise, they say, is the secret of relationship bliss. :)


I’m better than I was at openness but still not great. There are two factors in my life that have made me secretive both stemming from the fact that I was bullied throught most of my school career. Because I am autistic and had no real way of understaning and predicting what would cause me to be bullied I grew into the habit of keeping as much about my personal preferences secret as possible – there was a period of about 5 or 6 years during Secondary School when I refused to tell anyone what I was reading/had read (I used to flatten my books against the table and cover them up when anyone got close), when my birthday was (I hated the fuss) or admit that I listened to any sort of music. Also because of this bullying and my lack of any real shared interests or attitudes with my peers I became very close to my family and my parents and their disapproval became the worst thing in the world for me and also hugely blown out of proportion e.g. my father rarely reads or enjoys for its own sake any sort of fiction and has little time for less ‘realistic’ and overly emotional storylines. Despite the fact that I know he is not trying to hurt me and that he would never try to stop me pursuing my interests I became obsessively paranoid about keeping him away from anything I was scared he would scoff at.

I’m getting better now – I’m less emotionally fragile so I have correspondingly less ‘hyper-sensitivity’ to other people’s disregard – but I’m still a very private person; something which makes me quite lonely at times.


I can really relate to a lot of your comments. I hid very similar things as you – in some cases, still do. Music and reading interests, in particular, I typically keep to myself unless I’m in a place where I know people share similar interests.

I’m also with you on the difficult task of becoming less emotionally fragile. I used to be particularly sensitive to the judgement of strangers. I’d go to a gym and become a paranoid wreck. I’d assume everyone was laughing at me for being too weak, so I’d push myself too hard. Eventually I quit after I almost blacked out on the way home. I’m glad I’ve learned to have a healthier view of judgement by outsiders since then!! Being more open is pretty scary, but when I find safe people to be open with, it’s definitely worth it.


I am very extremely honest, and I feel that may be why I manage to hide so much. I will answer any question, no matter how sensitive or brazen the subject, and often with wreckless abandon and a maniacal joy. After the first few times someone asks my opinion on something, and realizes that I won’t soften my truth, they tend not to ask. Either that, or the way I word things lead them to underestimate me. I’ve often found the best weapon is to teach people to underestimate you.


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