Greetings LeyLians, I need to talk with you today about a very difficult decision I’ve made.
At its core, the big, central issue is this. I deeply, truly, care about this story, and I have so much I want to say. And I’m not willing to compromise its quality for the sake of a schedule.
So, the short of it is, that the script I have been wrestling with to try and fix, there is something worng with it. I’m not sure what. But in my gut I have this strong, strong feeling that there is something wrong with how it is written. I have run it by Cory. He says that it is a serviceable script, even a good script, but I am not willing to give a decent effort. I care about this story too much to not give it my best with every page that I do.
It’s been a really hard decision for me. It was hard for me to just take March off, and I thought, surely, a month was enough to get everything done. Maybe it would have if Cory hadn’t lost his job, but I don’t feel like that is true. I feel like there is something there . I spent the whole time trying to salvage it. Trying to fix a little piece here or there. I thought it was something small, but now I think I need to chop what’s left of chapter eleven and finish the chapter as if it’s something new. I think that at its core there’s something not right there. I don’t know if it’s because I wrote this shortly after the assault last year and a lot of emotions got caught up in it, or if it’s just that my writing abilities since creating this chapter have changed and improved. At this point I just don’t know, but I don’t want to just churn out pages because there’s a deadline.
I started posting new pages because I said that I would come back on a specific date, and I try to keep my promises. I try to stay true to my word. But I didn’t come back from a place of strength. I came back from a place of weakness. With no buffer and no assurance that the script was ready to go. I thought it was. I know it’s not.
So I will be taking a hiatus of an unknown period of time, so that when I come back, I come back with all the strength of a buffer that is fleshed out, and good and strong, that can support tweaks and changes to writing as needed, rather than in a desperate scramble.
I hope that you will join me in waiting for that. That you will enjoy it as a quality product that is the best work I can do. Rather than wanting something on a set schedule at a specific time, more than having a good product.
I trust you guys. I believe that LeyLians are not casual readers. You are amazing, thoughtful people that truly seem to love this story as much as I do. So I am letting myself choose quality, because I feel like that is what you would want me to do.
It’s been a really hard decision, but ultimately I think it’s an important decision. Important not just for the story, but also for my mental health. I have been so anxious and upset about not having it right and trying to reconcile having a script that I have a strong feeling is wrong and trying to get pages out because I don’t want to let you guys.
It’s been a very scary week. My anxiety and depression got way out of control over this false trap of the script is not right, but it has to come out on time. Thursday night was a particularly frightening night. I haven’t been that scared of myself since just after the assault last year. I guess that’s the other thing I’m realizing. I have to do what’s right for the story, and in order to do that, I have to still be here.
So what I’m planning on doing: I already have Twitter and Facebook and DeviantArt and Tumblr. If you follow me there, you will have news on when I decide on a return date. I am guessing between two and six months. I am going to make a mailing list, if you don’t like any of those social media options.
I will continue doing my weekly video diaries on Patreon, so if you would like to keep track of how things are going, what I’m working, what I’m doing, the process behind that, that’s the $1 a month level for those blogs. I will make some of those public, like this one.
Once I have a clear and certain date for when I’m coming back, I will post it. I will keep you guys informed. In the meantime I hope that you can look forward to this being a high quality story, and not worry about whether or not it will come back. I know that long-term hiatuses are often seen as the death knell of a project. I really, really, truly do not feel that is the case here. What this is like, is choosing a delay in production, for an ultimately superior product. I hope that you guys will look forward to seeing that in its final product, and enjoying the best possible product I can give you.
If you have any questions you are always welcome to email me. I will be doing small updates on the site, because I want to feature my creative consulting and my writing advising that I’ve been slowly developing behind the scenes. I want to feat things a little differently. So things may be changing a little bit on the site as well, but for the most part, I will just try to keep you guys informed.
This project matters to me a lot. I don’t want to hide how hard this decision is for me. I want you to know how much it matters to me, and how much being able to trust you guys matters. Knowing that you believe in what I do. It’s a truly remarkable gift, and I am so grateful for it.
So that’s the state of the union, so to speak. If you have questions, feel free to make a comment or send me an email. I will get back to you as soon as I can.
In traditional LeyLian style, Nama Vone, thank you so much. And I will see you later in the year, with a much superior story for the work.